|
On
this page:
Table of
Contents
|
Main Idea
Quick Facts to Remember
-
If you remember nothing else
after viewing this site, I hope you will at least
remember this: The longer
the female dating partner waits to reject a male
dating partner's sexual initiatives, the higher her
risk of being sexually assaulted.
-
I suggest that
the girl or woman inform her date of her intent or viewpoint about
sex as soon
as they decide they are on a date. (For instance, the woman could be
sharing her perspectives prior to leaving her apartment, bar, dance,
and the like.) One must
determine prior to the date when the proper time for sexual intimacy might
be.
-
I am well-aware that many women cringe at such an
option because, as researchers know from a multitude of quantitative
research studies, females are highly concerned about the preservation of
interpersonal relationships.
Terms to Know
A theory must enable the person who uses it to have enough
control in everyday situations to make its application worth trying....The
person who applies the theory must be enabled to understand and analyze
ongoing situational realities, to produce and predict change in them, and to
predict and control consequences both for the object of change and for other
parts of the total situation that will be affected. (1967, p. 245)
Sometimes entail controlling only one's own behavior and
sometimes primarily the behavior of others--the more difficult of the two.
But control usually involves the efforts of two parties; that is, control of
the interaction between two people by one or both of them. (1967, p. 248)
are social structural
variables that allow, guide, and give persons access either to the
controllable variables or to the people who control them. To use a
controllable variable one must have a means of
access to it. (p. 248)
-
In assault
situations, because date rapists believe it's
possible for the male/female couple to have "gone
too far" to stop the sexual aggression, I
recommend that women use the
"access variable" as early as possible.
Possible Date Rape Prevention Scripts
-
My goal is to offer several alternative scripts that the female may
put in her own words and use
with her date.
-
Below are three versions that vary in
their directness.
-
The important common factor is direct
and explicit statements.
-
Considering the complexity of human
interaction, the readers of this site should be aware that these
recommendations will NOT necessarily guarantee a person protection
from sexual assault.
1.[Male Dating Partner’s Name], I am looking
forward to our date. But I want to tell you ahead of time, so there is no
misunderstanding: I don't want to have sex.
2.[Male Dating Partner’s Name], I am looking
forward to our date. I thought that I should tell you this in
advance so there is no misunderstanding: I never
have sex with a guy until we've dated for a long
time (other options: provide a length of
time, state that you wish to remain a virgin
until you marry, etc.). I hope you weren't planning anything
like that. I still want to go out, but if you
have changed your mind, I understand.
3.[Male Dating Partner’s Name], I am
looking forward to our date. I thought
that I should tell you this in advance so there
is no misunderstanding. I am totally
opposed to sex until (various options include:
marriage, I've dated the guy for a certain
period of time, we have developed the
relationship to the degree that it seems
meaningful to both of us, etc.). I just
want you to know I will not relent on this
issue. As my parents and I have agreed, I
am prepared to report a sexual assault to the
police (should one ever happen) and have the guy
arrested for date rape. I would also
notify any other related authorities, such as
academic institutions and the like so they could
take appropriate disciplinary action. As
you can tell from my remarks, I am very serious
about this matter. If you are the nice guy
I think you are (one who will respect my desires), everything I just told you should
not change how you feel about me. I hope that I have not scared
you away from me, because I am looking forward
to our date and hope you still want to go out.
Note to the Reader: For this
newly revised and enhanced Date Rape Prevention site, my student
workers and one of their friends have contributed their own
"scripts" based on their dating experiences. Please refer to
Real Female Scripts
for examples of direct language used to avoid sexual aggression by males.
Defense Strategies
"What if I wait until the last moment?"
-
An informant from my research study made a
comparison between the sexual frenzy experienced by men such as himself and
any attempt to stop his initiative as being like a train wreck (i.e., “…it’d
be a train wreck.”) Interviewee 8 explained,
And your emotions and your feelings and your everything’s runnin’ to go to there. And when it stops it’s just like hittin’ a wall.
All your emotions have piled up and you’re like--you’re angry, you’re
confused, you’re upset, you’re wantin’ ta hurt somethin’ or, you know,
‘cause they didn’t--you didn’t get to finish what you was doin’.
-
In my focus group discussions with male date rape research
participants, I asked them the following question: How would you have
responded if the female victim in the date you described to me had used a more aggressive, direct verbal rejection
as well as an action? For instance, what if she had stated: “You’d
better stop trying to have sex with me or I am going
to call the police and have you arrested,” while she
got up and quickly walked to the door or left?
What would your reaction have been?
-
This was offset by the “negative” expectation
of consequences, namely an encounter with the
legal system (i.e., police, court system, penal
institution, and the like).
-
Obviously, a direct
verbal rejection at this advanced stage by potential female victims of the
male perpetrators’ sexual initiative includes many undesired possible results. Specifically, the
potential date rapist could become
physically abusive when threatened by the woman.
Input is Needed From You
|