Miscommunications

 

 

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Sequential Context

Table of Contents

 

 

 

  Perception Within Context

  • As indicated earlier, to understand date rapists, one should perceive the sexual act within a contextual environment, namely the perpetrators’ perspectives and socialization. 

  • It is only through this lens that we may grasp how women’s seemingly affectionate words and/or actions can be perceived by male perpetrators as verbal and/or nonverbal cues of sexual desire. 

  • One should keep in mind that date rapists are looking for these cues to give them, in their distorted perspective, approval to become more sexually aggressive. 

For instance, Interviewee 7 recollected:

"And after, I went over to her house and picked her up; she kinda led me on, 'cause she gave me a kiss on the cheek.”  This man felt “led on” by what he believed was a communication of sexual interest.  In fact, I asked the informant about his initial thought when she kissed him, and he responded, “Maybe this is it....Maybe she’ll give me a little bit tonight, before I take her home.”

This is not an isolated case.  In a similar instance, Interviewee 9 recalled:

She just kissed me.  When I was going out the door, she just kissed me.  I really didn't think nothing of it at the time.  But later on I kind of thought about it, and wondered why she would kiss me like that.  So, I kind of like--when I did what I did in the car--she'd kinda given me a signal like kissing me.  So I did what I did in the car.

As I did with the previous informant, I asked Interviewee 9 about his initial thoughts or reactions to the female victim’s kiss.  He stated:

I kind of looked surprised at first, you know.  I’m kind of like, “Man, what did she do that for? “ Later on, I got a chance on her....I could probably sleep with her.  Or date her, too, maybe, ‘cause some girls I know, sometimes they don’t like dating.  They just want to sleep, like a sleep partner.  So, I really didn’t know what it was going to be with her.  But I had a chance to find out later on that night, probably.

  • There was an additional example of kissing and touching by a female victim that a date rapist misunderstood as nonverbal cues of sexual interest. 

Interviewee 10 recalled:  “Well, the way I took it...with all the flirting, the touching, the little kisses here and there...‘There’s a good possibility of hooking up--possibly having sex.  She might be interested in it.’” 

 

  Sexual Initiatives and Miscommunication

  • Besides these kissing examples of miscommunication, there were a few sexual assaults that included occurrences that fall under both sexual initiatives by a female victim (as reported by the perpetrator) and miscommunication. 

In one case, the woman suggested to the perpetrator that, during a party, they should go sit in the back seat of her friend’s car.  Interviewee 8 recalled:

When I showed up and walked down there where everybody was at, she seen me and she’s like, “Oh there you are.”  I said, “Yeah.”  And she grabs me and goes, “Let’s go talk.”  And so we took off to go talk and we ended up in her friend’s car.  That’s exactly where she took me was to her friend’s car.  And we got in the back seat and started kissin’ and fondling.

I asked the man about this initial reaction to the victim’s suggestion that they sit in the back seat of her friend’s car.  He stated:

Well, the first thought that runs through your mind is that she’s a loose woman....Uh, one that has no morals, that just does what she wants, when she wants....[and] uh, that you’re actually gonna get somethin' from her.

In another example, a female victim sat on the lap of an army soldier when arriving at a floor party in a hotel attended by men within the male perpetrator’s military unit.  Interviewee 18 recalled: 

I was pretty well drunk.  I was sittin’ in a room with this other guy and this other woman.  Sittin’ there talkin’, an’ this woman came in—Betty came in.  Sat on my lap....I never saw her [before].” 

As with other informants previously cited in this section, I asked the man about his initial reflection after the female victim sat on his lap.   

Interviewee 18 said he thought:

That she was lookin’ for a date....That she was lookin’ for someone to have sex with...because she came and sat on my lap.  I didn’t ask her to.  An’ that maybe it was her way of breakin’ the ice, I think about it now.  I took it straight up as a sexual advance.

 

  Mixed Communication

  • The final examples of miscommunication could be more accurately categorized as mixed communication.

Interviewee 10 recalled the contrast between a female victim’s verbal message and her nonverbal communication:

She’s not screaming or nothing like that.  She’s just like...“No.”  Kind of hesitant.  Well, particularly her hands rubbing all over me.  Yeah.  I’m like, well, you’re sitting here saying “No,” but your body’s doing another thing.  Anyway, we wind up eventually having sex that night.

When I asked the man about his thoughts when faced with the mixed communication, he explained his rationale by stating:

You know, uh...she’s not really forcing me off of her, but she’s not really, uh...part of her voice told me “She’s saying ‘no.’”  But...uh...the way she’s moving and getting into this, she really wanted it.

Another example of mixed communications from the victim, based on Interviewee 17’s viewpoint, was described as follows:

I kinda felt that she was nervous or maybe even scared.  Because when I was fondling her, she kind of pushed my arm off or somethin’.  But when she done it, she kinda acted like she was just movin’.  So, after a while of this, I took my clothes off.  I had shorts on.  I took my shorts off.  And she was wearin’ a nightgown.  And I started pullin’ her panties off and she kinda pulled her legs together.  But then I just thought, “Well, she--she had her legs spread.”  I pulled her panties off--started pullin’ her panties off; she was closin’ her legs so I could get ‘em off.

 

  Saving Face: The Attribution Theory

  • The above-cited perpetrators’ recollections and interpretations are highly suspect.  Even though I did sense a frankness to a large portion of their interview transcript information, informants could have forgotten details and distorted accounts in order to rationalize or save face with the researcher. 

  • The manner used to achieve this face-saving objective often brings into question the victims’ behavior. 

  • This hypothesis can be better understood if one applies attribution theory to these date rape situations.  Specifically, the perpetrators made causal explanations that attributed responsibility to their victims for the resulting assaults.

  • Based on this study, there was what Heider (1958), the originator of attribution theory, would regard as consentual information; namely, a situation where many date rapists attached responsibility to the female victims for their rape incidents. 

  • As suggested earlier, this face-saving approach does not seem appropriate (i.e., it is an incorrect attribution) related to these date rape accounts.  Instead, they were vain attempts by the assailants, at least in part, to shift accountability away from themselves; they indicate a self-serving bias.

  Profile of a Date Rapist

  • The profile of a date rapist is the combination of his self-centeredness, avoidance of developing a long-term relationship with the female victim, desire for control over himself and others, and unwavering intent to have sex, combined with his excessive attentiveness to seeking out verbal and nonverbal cues suggesting affection from the woman, and an emphasis on victim communications that appear, from his perspective, to validate his actions to achieve immediate sexual gratification.

 

 

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