Erving littlewell

Realizing that my life would never be the same was the first thing of any relevance I learned at Truman State University. This moment of clarity came when everything was unpacked from the car, placed with care in my dorm room and my dad said "I guess I’ll see you later," shook my hand and left.

Knowing that life’s Etch-a-Sketch had just received a very blunt shake I decided to keep myself from crying and did some exploring. Everything was new and remained new that entire year. I did not have a clue about what was going on but I was a sponge for knowledge and picked up things quickly whether they were in my major area or in the social realm. At this point I hated the core general curriculum and despised having to take all of the extra courses that didn’t interest me. I was also fairly closed-minded about what was hip and what was not and dismissed ideas, individuals, and objects on the basis of my personal criteria preconceived in my mind. I knew a lot.

As a sophomore, I learned more, became more set in the ways I had developed the previous year and unknowingly was setting myself up for a massive failure still unforeseen. As a tactic to deal with the core curriculum, I ignored it and took only one core class a semester. In my major, I felt like I was learning volumes and was confident in knowing that I was well above the average in my major. During this same period, I developed quite an extensive social vocabulary and along with that an alcohol problem that was leading to my demise and eventual death. I knew everything and hated it all.

By my junior year, I was a self-certified genius. During the previous summer I sloughed off all of things I had learned and decided that my opinion on everything was better than anyone else’s. With this mind set, I drank, went to class, worked, and totally devalued other’s opinions on everything, including, what was right and wrong (especially for me).

That fall I threw, to my knowledge, the biggest party in school history. I considered it Kirksville’s only worthwhile multimedia endeavor of the year. The infamous party, also known as The Pimp and Whore ‘96 band festival, nearly landed me in jail on felony charges. Those harsh charges were eventually dropped to a littering charge due to access to a good lawyer and a Mastercard.

In my classes, I learned how to use vague generalities, double-talk, and b.s. in a thoroughly masterful way and continued to do well in school. I knew everything and if I didn’t I made it up.

At this point in my life, the ideals set out in the Truman State University Mission Statement were light years away from the reality and education I had decided for myself. Feeling that I could no longer go to school here I decided to transfer for my senior year. However I did not get accepted at the school I applied to. The reason was that I had already finished all of my major classes. I knew everything and had done everything. An utter failure.

Whaaaammmmm????!!!!! . Reality hit very hard one May night in 1997. After celebrating the end of classes with a friend by drinking four bottles of champagne and paying twenty dollars at a five dollar all you can drink, I tripped and fell. I destroyed both my lip and glasses thus killing all of the notions I had about life just minutes earlier. The next day, I woke up. I knew nothing.

I went home. I opened my mind. I quit drinking.

Being away from Truman for the first time in three years and realizing that I needed to make some huge decisions about my life and my future I began to analyze my situation. Leaving Truman made Truman make sense. I began to think more reflectively and began asking myself more questions like: What am I doing that isn’t working? Why isn’t it working? What approaches can I take to improve? This processing helped me to help myself. I began constantly looking back on the things I had done, earlier whether it was ten minutes prior or ten years ago and thought things like: Maybe I will handle that situation like this the next time it comes up. In general, I learned to think in a much more productive and positive manner. I made it an effort to get rid of my "robot-like personal myths about one’s learning that" (Harri-Augstein & Thomas, 1985)I became more reflective and learned to learn from other peoples’ opinions and not just from my own opinion and facts on paper. I learned growth.

During that summer I decided there were a lot of things that I wanted to fix. First, I decided I would definitely quit drinking and get myself emotionally under control-I did. Next, I wanted to change my trumpet embouchure so that I would be able to play more efficiently and with greater range and flexibility-I am still in the process but consistently working. I was about $5000 in debt and wanted to get out of it-I worked sixty to eighty hours a week and paid it off. As a product of all of this positive progress I was also able to fix a weight problem that I have been dealing with since I was about six years old. In fact, since last May I have lost over one-hundred pounds due to a healthier lifestyle and regular exercise.

As a senior I have come back, and became aware of the point of this school for me. It is not the classes that you take or your major that is important. It is not proving to everyone that you are the best at something. It is not getting high grades or an extraordinary job afterwards. The point of this school, for me, is learning how to think effectively and affectively.

As I constantly grow, change and deal with new situations I make good and bad decisions. For me, it is not what you have done but how are you going to use what you have done to make yourself a better person. When I played kickball in elementary school, if someone messed up really bad under adverse circumstances they could yell do-over and get a second chance at the same play under a new criteria. I consider my whole life a do-over, a second chance to do well with a new set of circumstances.

It has taken me almost four years of college and a "Whack To The Side Of The Head" (von Oech, 1986) to learn how to think effectively. It is going to take a lifetime to effectively think about what I have learned.